I received an email from a dear friend this morning. Last time we exchanged notes, both she and her husband were suffering healthwise. He was having an operation for prostate cancer and my friend had a suspected collapsed lung and was waiting to see a specialist.
I was naturally quite worried and concerned. I have never met anyone quite like Susan and am very fond of her. She was my boss's secretary and joined our workplace just before I returned to work after my first maternity leave. She is perhaps the most dotty person ever - full of fun, helpful to a fault, kind and considerate - and... well, dotty.
As cuts were made and secretaries were shared instead of doled out one per manager, all the secretaries were pooled together and I'm sure that Susan's dotty presence and her droll sense of humour were much appreciated. She never forgot a birthday, always found just the appropriate gift (and I have been the recipient many a time, most notably, my wonderful mug) brought flowers from her garden to brighten up the office and generally made work a jolly place to be most of the time.
What has all this got to do with allegories on the Nile? Well, Susan was a Mrs. Malaprop if ever one walked this earth - so much so, that the other secretaries kept a book in which they wrote many of the little 'pearls of misrule' that fell from her lips. How I wish I could get my hands on that book now! It deserves publishing, so funny it was. 'Susan's Antidotes', we'd call it, of course.
As it is, without access to that book, I can only clearly remember one of these gems - her describing a phone call she'd taken from one of my staff -
"X has called in sick. Again. He said he's pulled his Hercules tendon - I don't know what that is but he said he did it in bed, so I didn't like to ask."
True to form, her note to me about her husband said he was 'having the operation to remove the prostrate'. Her email this morning reported on his recovery - which is great news - and went on to reassure me that she too is getting better and her specialist thinks it is nothing worse than 'chronicle bronchitis'.
There is always the possibility that her idiosyncratic speech was carefully planned to amuse. There were times when I was sure it must be. If there's anyone out there reading who can remember any more from that little book, please do share!
What are your favourites?
I've come across one or two people in my life who are full of malapropisms. My grandmother was one. As children, we used to correct her, but it made absolutely no difference at all, so we gave up. I also used to think that perhaps some of it was deliberate just to make us laugh.
ReplyDeleteMy granny had a few quirks too - and my great-grandma always thought my boyfriend at the time, Phil, was called Wilf. It amused us greatly. I agree that probably sometimes, people do it to make us laugh! Axxx
DeleteOur lives are enriched (and certainly more entertaining) for having friends like Susan in our lives. Sometimes I think the words they come up with suit the situation so much better than the 'real' ones1
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, Gaynor, I couldn't agree with you more. Axxx
DeleteI remember Susan Annie, but didn't know her well enough to be aware of this particular talent. I remember her as someone who always brought great tea and coffee into meetings, and organised rooms for meetings without a hitch, and who always had a smile and a giggle for everyone. You dont mention whether her health ( and that of her husband) has improved....hope all is well with her.
ReplyDeleteIt was a talent indeed, Janice, and I was and still am, very fond of Susan. From what she said in her recent email, 'chronicle bronchitis' is a preferable condition to the other possibilities that were being investigated. Her husband is making progress and recovering too, I am glad to hear.
DeleteAxxx
Hello Annie:
ReplyDeleteSusan sounds to be a person who is enormous fun to have about and we are so pleased to know, as you surely must be, that her husband is making a good recovery and that she herself has not been diagnosed with anything more serious.
I do wish I could get my hands on the book - full of her sayings; I defy anyone not to be greatly amused. Susan herself is a warm, generous person and I am much relieved that there is nothing more serious hanging over her, healthwise. Axx
DeleteHow lucky to have worked with such a lovely person and how good to know that her problem is not as bad as thought and that her husband is making a good recovery.
ReplyDeleteI do hope the book comes to light as the one example you quoted made me hoot...
Thanks Fly - I'm going to write a couple of emails to see if it's still around and if so, I shall ask for a copy! Axxx
ReplyDeleteAnnie, Susan sound like a real gem, in every possible way and must have made the working lives of many people more enjoyable. :-) I'm so glad her husband is recovering and that her own health problem isn't as serious as it once might have seemed.
ReplyDeleteIt's true, Perpetua, Susan made a difference! It didn't seem fair to think they were both struck with illness at the same time so I'm glad they are both much better now. They are a lovely family. Axxx
DeleteThis reminds me of one of our family classics, though it is not a malapropism.
ReplyDeleteAt the age of four or five, this bilingual little boy already had fun with the Norwegian word "fart" meaning speed.
While driving many miles parallel to a railway track, he observed: "the train is slowing down and we are farting up."
It still makes me laugh.
Anna
Excellent child, Anna, conjures up a wonderful image amd I suspect you still think it every time a train passes near you. My mother has some colourful expressions too but Susan beats them all hands down. Axxx
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